


Bagel

by krashlyntome (bestthreemonths)



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestthreemonths/pseuds/krashlyntome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of moments in a world where a precocious toddler thinks his little sister should have a unique name, and the rest is history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bagel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali has news for Ashlyn, and someone else has their own interpretation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little THING kept getting in my head, so I finally gave in and wrote it down. This seems to be a pattern with me. Enjoy :)

It isn’t unusual for Ashlyn to come home to absolute chaos. With a pregnant wife, a dog, a two-year-old boy, and plenty of teammates with kids who always seem to gravitate toward her house, mass hysteria is kind of the norm. Which is why she senses something is off when she gets home to a clean house and silence, despite Ali’s car being in the driveway.

“Alex?” she calls. She checks the time on her phone to make sure she won’t wake Jamie if he’s napping. “Hello? I’m home!” She’s a little disappointed not even the dog comes to greet her. She hears a shriek of glee from outside and realizes the sliding glass door is slightly open.

She leans against the doorway, her arms folded as she watches her wife pushing their son on the swingset her dad and Ali’s dad built together last summer when Ken came to visit. Simba (Ali thought it was a stupid name for a dog, but neither of them wanted a cat, and Ashlyn was so excited about the Pride that she wasn’t going to budge) gnaws on a bone in the shade under the slide, and even though Ashlyn was ready for a shower and a nap five minutes ago, now all she wants to do is play outside with her family till the sun goes down.

“Mama!” Jamie yells when he spots her, and Ali has to stop him from tumbling forward out of the swing, bringing it to a stop and lifting him out. She sets him down so he can run toward Ashlyn—well, run might be a generous way to describe the way he toddles awkwardly on the legs he still hasn’t quite figured out yet.

Ashlyn scoops him up to give him a hug and a kiss, and he giggles maniacally. Ali steps up for her kiss, and Simba feels excluded, so he tries to get in between their legs, tripping Ali up, but Ashlyn catches her.

“How was practice?” Ali asks.

“Pretty good,” Ashlyn says, setting Jamie down to wrestle with Simba. “How was your doctor’s appointment?”

“It was fine,” Ali says. “Baby’s healthy and so am I. I did leave you a voicemail, you know.”

“I never listen to those,” Ashlyn says.

“You should listen to mine!” Ali insists. “What if they’re important?”

“I will,” Ashlyn says, rubbing Ali’s stomach. “Everything you say is important, honey.”

Ali rolls her eyes. “I’m glad you’re home even though you’re a pain. Jamie’s been asking to play soccer. Will you please go get a ball from the garage?”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn says, still not able to pull herself away from Ali. It doesn’t matter how long she’s away or how many times she comes home to her, it never gets old. And when she only has a finite number of precious moments to spend with her growing belly, it gets even harder to be away from her for even a few hours. “When do we get to find out again?”

“Find out what?”

“You know,” Ashlyn whines. She’s been pestering Ali about finding out the baby’s sex for weeks. They found out with Jamie because he was their first and Ali was scared about all the unpredictability, but this time Ali seems insistent on keeping it a surprise, while Ashlyn wants to know as soon as possible.

Ali shrugs. “Let’s not fight about this again, please,” she says. “Can you just go get a ball? Please?”

Ashlyn might have pushed it any other time, but she worries about anything that could stress Ali out while she’s carrying precious cargo, so she folds probably a little too easily in most arguments these days.

“I come too, Mama!” Jamie says, running after her. Of course she’s happy to have his company, so she lets him run ahead to the garage. He’s too small to open the door and flick on the lights, so she does that.

“Ready to play soccer, little man?” she asks, grabbing a ball from the bag.

“No!” he exclaims. “Not that one.”

“You want a different ball?” Ashlyn laughs. “I hate to break it to you, bud, but they’re all the same.”

He shakes his head firmly, and because she’s wrapped around his little finger, she pulls out another one.

“Better?” she asks, but again, he shakes his head. She mindlessly pulls out ball after ball, offering each one up to Jamie and cursing herself for even having so many—she plays for a professional team with plenty, why does she need so many in the house?—till she finally pulls out one that seems to satisfy.

“That one!” Jamie exclaims, and she sighs in relief before looking down at it to see what about it finally made it pass his test. It’s pink, and she doesn’t think she’s ever seen it before, but then again, plenty of her teammates’ kids have come over to play soccer lately, so she wouldn’t be surprised if it somehow got mixed in. When she stands up to put all the balls back, she sees Ali standing in the doorway, smiling, her phone raised like she’s taking a picture.

“What?” Ashlyn asks. “Are you getting a thrill out of watching our toddler boss me around? You’re no better!”

Ali laughs. “Ashlyn, can you look at that ball again please?”

Ashlyn narrows her eyes and looks down at the ball, which she now sees has an inscription. “It’s a girl?” she reads, the words slowly sinking in as she looks up at Ali, who’s now grinning so wide Ashlyn thinks her face might break. “It’s a girl?” she repeats, more sure this time, and Ali nods. “It’s a girl!” she exclaims, dropping the ball and running to Ali. She picks her up to kiss her, swinging her around. “Oh my God, it’s a girl,” she says, her hands rushing to Ali’s belly.

“Buddy, you’re going to have a little sister!” Ashlyn exclaims, and Jamie does his toddler version of rolling his eyes.

“I know, Mama!” he says. “I try tell you!”

~

Ashlyn figures news so big requires a special dinner, so she calls in a special favor from Chris to babysit Jamie while she takes Ali out. They toast with sparkling cider to the news while curbing their enthusiasm a bit by acknowledging that their baby could be any gender and they’d be happy as long as it is happy and healthy and kind and loving.

“You aren’t mad at me, are you?” Ali asks as they walk hand in hand down the waterfront back to the car. “For finding out without you? Kyle thought you’d be mad.”

“Of course not,” Ashlyn says. “You’re carrying a second child for me. You’re the most badass woman I know, and I was just worried you’d be so stubborn I wouldn’t be able to get you to change your mind. How long have you been planning this?”

“Since I got pregnant, honestly,” Ali laughs. “I had to be really convincing about not wanting to know, and it was hard. I had two balls made, but I guess we could keep them both considering we do have a boy.”

“Works for me,” Ashlyn says. “You’re lucky I’m so whipped by our kid or else that could have failed miserably.”

“Please, I’ve been training you so well you had no choice,” Ali says. “Free will is a lie when it comes to you.”

“No way, I am immune to your tactics,” Ashlyn says, knowing full well it isn’t true.

When they get home, it’s 7:30 (“Are we old?” Ali had asked Ashlyn when they finished their dinner before 7) and Jamie is still awake, freshly bathed and watching cartoons on the couch with Chris.

“Baby, what are you still doing up?” Ashlyn asks, shooting Chris a look.

“Don’t blame me,” Chris says. “He wanted to stay up and have a boys’ night, and considering the news, I figured he’d be needing it. Plus, you try saying no to that face.”

“She can’t,” Ali says, picking up Jamie to give him a kiss. “Thanks, Chris. You’re the best.”

“Anytime,” he says. “And congratulations again.” He hugs them both goodbye before leaving.

Once he’s gone, Ali lets out a big yawn.

“Here, let me put him to bed,” Ashlyn says. “Who knows how much sugar Chris gave him, he might be a handful.”

“I was thinking he could sleep with us tonight,” Ali says, smiling hopefully at Ashlyn. She’s sure they would both make great use of their alone time tonight, but she’s exhausted and would rather fall asleep snuggled up with her favorite people in the world.

“I think that sounds perfect,” Ashlyn says, noting the sleep in Ali’s eyes.

When they’re all in their pajamas and settled into their big bed, Jamie in the middle, Ashlyn turns off the light and stretches her arm toward Ali, her hand landing on her stomach. 

“Hey baby girl,” she murmurs. “It’s your mommy. I know that might be a little confusing at first, but lucky you, you get two. It’s working out well so far for your big brother. He’ll show you the ropes.”

Ali giggles. Ashlyn’s conversations with her belly are almost a nightly ritual at this point.

“I’m so excited to meet you, baby girl. It feels so much more real every day. Be nice to your mama, okay? Don’t kick her too hard where it hurts or makes her have to pee all the time. Just where we can feel you. But we encourage kicking in this family. I never would have met your mom if it weren’t for kicking. But I’ll tell you more about that another time.”

“You’re cute,” Ali says, leaning over Jamie to give her a kiss. “Goodnight, sweetheart. Goodnight, Jamie,” she says.

“Na-night, Mama,” he says, rolling over so his head is on her shoulder.

“Night, baby girl,” Ashlyn says, her thumb brushing Ali’s belly button, which has recently become an outie.

“Na-night, bagel,” Jamie mumbles.

Ali laughs. “What did you say?” she asks.

“Na-night bagel,” he says. “Mama say na-night bagel.”

Ashlyn’s eyes tear as she laughs, realizing what he’s saying. “Babe, he’s trying to say baby girl,” she says.

“Oh my God,” Ali says. “That’s perfect.”

“We don’t even have to find a name now,” Ashlyn teases.

“We are not naming our child Bagel,” Ali whispers.

“Bagel!” Jamie says again, and both Ali and Ashlyn kiss his tiny cheeks as he laughs, pleased with himself though he’s not sure why.

“That’s right, buddy,” Ashlyn says. “Bagel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions!!!!  
> 1\. Favorite line?  
> 2\. Would you like to see more from this particular universe? (Don't say no because I can almost guarantee there will be more)  
> 3\. What's the most creative "gender reveal" you've ever heard of?
> 
> THANKS FOR READING THANKS FOR LOVING ME XOXO


	2. Sweeter Than Fiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn tells her daughter about the first time she realized she loved Ali.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy first day of Krashmas, everyone! If you have no idea what I mean by that, check [this](http://kneatthanks.tumblr.com/post/134343463179/its-the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year) out.

Ashlyn can't stop taking pictures. Ali feels like she should probably be used to it by now, but it seems like anytime something great happens, Ashlyn just takes more.

She takes pictures on every family date, in the bathroom when getting ready at least once a week to track Ali’s growing belly, even at night when Ali reads out loud to the baby before bed. The past few weeks it’s been Pride and Prejudice—Ali’s fourth or fifth time reading it, but Ashlyn’s first time hearing it.

Ali was shy the first time Ashlyn asked her to speak up, not realizing she had even been listening to her, but now it's a nightly routine after putting Jamie to bed. 

“Stop,” Ali says, stopping in the middle of a sentence to turn toward Ashlyn.

“Stop what?” Ashlyn asks. “I just want to document how beautiful you look reading to me.”

“I'm reading to the baby,” Ali says. “You can read. Not that I've seen you do it in a while.”

“I read to Jamie every night!” Ashlyn protests.

“Yeah, I saw you reading with your eyes closed the other night after your game,” Ali teases. “You've memorized every book he likes.”

“You weren't complaining when he was screaming on the plane and all his books were in the checked luggage,” Ashlyn reminds her.

“He just likes listening to your voice,” Ali says. “I can't say I blame him.”

“Aw, you're such a kiss-ass,” Ashlyn teases, kissing Ali’s neck lightly. “Stop starting arguments you have no intention of finishing.”

“I never get the chance because you always distract me,” Ali murmurs as Ashlyn continues peppering kisses over her neck. “And now Bagel’s going to be mad at you because you stopped me in the middle of a chapter.”

“She’ll be fine,” Ashlyn says. “She wants her mommies to get some.”

“Gross,” Ali says, scrunching her nose.

“She's literally living inside you,” Ashlyn says. “Trust me, she knows we have sex.”

“You're making it worse,” Ali groans. “You have to talk to her before we do this, because you're going to be too tired after.”

“That's quite the promise,” Ashlyn says. “What should I tell her about?”

“Falling in love with me.”

“Alex, I'm not telling our child about the first time you made me—”

“Ashlyn,” Ali warns.

“Fine,” Ashlyn says. “But I'm pretty sure whatever I was feeling then counts.”

“An orgasm is not love,” Ali says, rolling her eyes.

“But now I get both whenever I want,” Ashlyn says, smirking.

“Not if you test me,” Ali says.

“Fine,” Ashlyn says, moving her head down to rest on Ali’s growing belly. “Hey, Bagel. We’ll try to stop calling you that when you have a real name. No promises though.”

Ali smiles, shifting a little bit so she's more comfortable. 

“When I first saw your mommy, I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. And I was right,” Ashlyn says. “But when I got to know her—as a friend, because I was too shy to admit I liked her—I realized she was way more than that. Not only is she beautiful and a badass soccer player, but she also has a beautiful soul. If you're anything like me, you probably think that's really cheesy, but I promise it's true.”

Ali runs her hand through Ashlyn’s hair, gently playing with the strands between her fingers as she listens.

“I was pretty sure I loved her from the get-go, but one night we were at camp and I took her out on a date. We went to a super fancy restaurant, and I ordered the most expensive wine on the menu to impress her, even though neither one of us liked it very much. I still remember what she was wearing. It was a tight black dress that made me lose my mind.”

Ali smiles, remembering the night and the dress in question. Part of her wishes she still had it around, but part of her knows it’s better off that she doesn’t.

“I kept trying to work up the nerve to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out. We went back to the hotel and I was going to run us a bubble bath and make it really romantic, but I wasn't feeling well. I felt sick in the car, and when we got to the room I thought I could just drink some water and then I'd feel better and I could romance your mom. Instead, I had food poisoning, and I ended up throwing up on her little black dress and spending the rest of the night on the bathroom floor with chills and aches and nausea.”

Ali rubs Ashlyn’s back, remembering that part quite vividly.

“She brought me a bathrobe and changed into pajamas and sat with me on the floor for hours, rubbing my back and holding my hair back. Even after I ruined her dress, she still let me rest my head in her lap and wiped my forehead with cool washcloths. She somehow always had a fresh bottle of water for me every time I needed it even though I felt like she was right there with me the whole time.”

Ali rests her hand on her stomach because she feels Bagel moving around.

“She likes my voice,” Ashlyn says smugly.

“Maybe she's annoyed you’re not getting to the point,” Ali says.

“I was building suspense!” Ashlyn exclaims, lifting her head to look at Ali.

Ali puckers her lips to ask for a kiss, which Ashlyn happily delivers. “Love you,” Ali murmurs.

“Spoiler alert!” Ashlyn says, bringing her head back to Ali’s stomach. “So I was lying there, looking up at your beautiful mommy, and she looked like an angel. She had taken off all her makeup and it was 2 a.m. and we’d been up since 6 and had two training sessions, but she didn't care. I mean, maybe she did, but she wasn't going to leave me alone in there. And I threw up again and she said ‘poor baby’ and kissed my forehead, and I finally said it.”

“Said what?” Ali says softly, even though she knows.

“I love you,” Ashlyn says. “It couldn't have been less romantic if I tried, but she cried and told me she loved me too.”

“I didn't cry!” Ali insists.

“You totally got misty,” Ashlyn says.

“Yeah, because I wanted to go to bed but my stupid girlfriend wouldn't stop vomiting,” Ali teases.

“Then we both fell asleep on the floor,” Ashlyn says. “And when we woke up in the morning, we both felt like crap, but I was happy because I had finally told her and she loved me back.”

“And then you tried to kiss me, and I told you to stay far away till you brushed your teeth at least five times,” Ali remembers, laughing.

“I just couldn't resist,” Ashlyn says, moving back up to kiss Ali softly on the lips. “Still can't to this day.”

Ali’s hands pull Ashlyn’s neck down so she's hovering over Ali. “Resisting is overrated,” she says. “Say good night to Bagel.”

“Good night, Bagel,” Ashlyn murmurs. Her phone is long forgotten, but she doesn’t need pictures to capture these memories.


	3. Size Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali feels like a failure at motherhood when she lets Jamie down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Krashmas! (Day 9)

Jamie cried himself to sleep and it’s all Ali’s fault.

Well, it’s actually not, but she can’t help but feel like it. She knew this day would come eventually, but she didn’t think it would be so soon. Jamie has always been a clingy child, something Ashlyn and Ali have been terrible at discouraging because they love snuggling with their little guy so much.

When Ali got pregnant again and her belly began to grow, Ashlyn made a comment that someday soon she wouldn’t be able to bend over to pick him up and soon enough he wouldn’t be able to fit on her lap. Ali laughed it off at the time, knowing it was true, but so full of baby bliss that she couldn’t imagine anything ever being less than perfect.

Until it was. Today at naptime, Jamie picked out one of his favorite books (“Horton Hears a Who”) and climbed onto Ali’s lap as she settled into the rocking chair. She barely got past the title page before she felt Jamie sliding off her knee. She tried readjusting, but it was too uncomfortable, and soon his elbows and knees were digging into her belly trying to keep a grip on her.

“Let’s sit on the couch, baby,” she suggested, but it was the same story. Jamie wasn’t okay just being close to Ali, he had to be basically on top of her to be content. Much like his other mommy that way, come to think of it.

They didn’t even finish the story because they were both crying, Jamie because he was tired and cranky and his mama couldn’t hold him like she always does, Ali because she was tired and pregnant and unable to make her crying baby feel better. It didn’t help that Ashlyn was at practice and wouldn’t be home till Jamie was asleep at least.

Now Jamie is sleeping in his room, and the house is finally quiet, but Ali is in the living room, curled up on the couch, scrolling through pictures on her phone of when Jamie was just born, his first steps, videos of him saying “I love you, mama.” She can’t help the tears that roll down her cheeks.

“Rough day?” Ashlyn murmurs, catching Ali off guard as she looks up to see her wife standing in front of her. She had been so wrapped up in her own world she hadn’t even heard her come in. “Sorry, I knew he’d be asleep, so I tried to be quiet,” she says, sitting next to Ali and placing a hand on her stomach.

“He hates me,” Ali says.

Ashlyn just laughs softly, kissing her shoulder. “He does not,” she says. “What happened?”

“I’m too fat to fit him on my lap,” Ali says, and hearing the words come out of her mouth makes her start crying again.

“Honey,” Ashlyn sighs. “First of all, I have a feeling I’m going to be telling you this quite a bit over the next few weeks if your last pregnancy was anything to go by, but carrying this baby—our baby—is the most beautiful thing in the world. You’re amazing. One day he’ll appreciate it as much as I do.”

“I want to be able to hold him,” Ali cries. “He’s not going to be this little for long. What if he doesn’t want me to hold him anymore when I’m able to again?”

“If I know anything, it’s that being held by Ali Krieger is the best feeling in the world,” Ashlyn says, wrapping her arms around Ali. “I promise, the second you can hold him again, he’ll be running back to you.” She wipes Ali’s cheek with her thumb before kissing the other cheek.

“How was practice?” Ali asks, taking a deep breath to collect herself.

“Good, but not as good as being here with my babies,” Ashlyn says, rubbing Ali’s tummy for emphasis. “Has she been missing me?”

“Not as much as I have,” Ali says. “This stay-at-home mom thing kind of sucks.”

“You’ll be back,” Ashlyn says. She and Ali decided together that Ali would sit out a national cycle for them to have the family they wanted to begin—two kids, close enough in age that they could be friends, but not so close that Ali would feel like she was pregnant for two years straight—and keep fit by playing in the NWSL when she could (two seasons between having Jamie and now) and training with the national team when she could. “We’ve got more gold medals to win, you know.”

Ali nods, leaning into Ashlyn’s chest. As soon as she feels herself relax, a sound comes from the baby monitor on the coffee table. “I’ll go,” she says.

Ashlyn wants to fight her on it, but she knows Jamie is always especially snuggly and lovey right after he wakes up, and Ali might need that right now. So she follows behind quietly, leaning against the door and watching as Jamie reaches for Ali and Ali lifts him out of his crib, which he’ll outgrow soon enough.

Jamie sucks his thumb, a habit they’ve been trying to break him of, leaning his head against Ali’s chest (more supple than usual). His long eyelashes flutter as his eyes blink slowly. He doesn’t even acknowledge Ashlyn’s presence because being held by Ali (no matter how awkwardly around her belly) satisfies him.

She knows the feeling.


	4. Back Home (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of a two-part update about Ali and Ashlyn taking a trip back to D.C. with Jamie (and Bagel, she's kind of part of the package) in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make this and the next part just one update but I didn't want to rush the second half OR be late on Krashmas, so here's my compromise :) I hope it can tide you over!

When given the choice, Ali would always choose to travel to away games with Ashlyn and the Pride, but it’s typically not the most logical or convenient choice given their handful of a toddler and Ali’s pregnancy. However, when it’s a game in D.C. on Labor Day weekend, there isn’t much that could stop them.

The Pride beat the Spirit 1-0 Saturday night, and even though Jamie falls asleep in the middle of the second half, he is up and at ‘em to meet and greet the players, coercing them into chasing him around the field and kicking balls with him even after playing 90 minutes of exhausting football.

Despite Ashlyn’s clean sheet, all the post-match attention goes to Ali’s enormous bump and questions about her due date (November 23), name (got it, just not telling anyone till she’s born), and any and all pregnancy-related inquiries. She’d be lying if she said it never gets overwhelming, but everyone means well, and Ashlyn’s always right there in support.

Ashlyn is technically staying in the hotel with the rest of the team, but Ali and Jamie are staying with Ali’s dad, so Ashlyn rides back with them. All the players are going to their favorite post-game bar to hang out, and Ken offers to put Jamie to bed so they can go out, but Ashlyn can’t think of anything she’d rather do than curl up in bed with her wife, her son, and her baby girl.

When Jamie falls asleep, Ali and Ashlyn take a bath in the large tub in what used to be Ali’s childhood bathroom and has been renovated into a guest suite. Ali rubs Ashlyn’s back, kneading it in all the right places to get out her knots and help her recover from the game. Ashlyn returns the favor by rubbing Ali’s feet and some other areas that have been longing for her attention, counting it as a blessing that having a child has taught them both how to keep quiet during intimate moments.

They finally crawl into bed, Ali as the little spoon because she can no longer really reach all the way around Ashlyn with her stomach in between, trying not to move too much and wake Jamie. There are plenty of other beds in the house for him, and Ken even has an extra pop-up crib in the attic for when they come to visit, but on the weekends and on “vacation,” Ashlyn prefers having him in their bed already instead of having to get up to get him just to bring him back to bed to cuddle quietly (if he’s in the mood to behave) in the mornings.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Ashlyn whispers.

“Dad wants to make us dinner,” Ali says. “So I was thinking about making a dessert or something.”

“Apple pie?” Ashlyn asks hopefully.

“Do you want apple pie?” Ali asks. “I can do apple pie.”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn says, kissing just behind her ear.

“Okay, I’ll go to the store in the morning.”

“I have a better idea,” Ashlyn says. “But we can figure it out tomorrow.”

Ali’s too tired to question her, so she just nods and murmurs her agreement before drifting off to sleep.


	5. Back Home (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the two-part family trip to D.C. update! If you haven't noticed yet, domestic Krashlyn is kind of my main interest, second only to lovingly bickering Krashlyn. I present to you: the best of both worlds ;)

In the morning, Jamie is the first one awake, pleased to be in a bed with both his mommies, sleeping soundly. He taps on Ali’s belly, which wakes Ashlyn first.

“Hey, careful,” Ashlyn whispers. “The baby is sleeping, you don’t want to wake her up.” She smells the familiar scent of bacon wafting from the kitchen. “Come on, let’s go potty and then we can eat breakfast with grandpa.”

Jamie is still potty training, but he’s getting pretty good about it as long as Ashlyn remembers to bring his stickers everywhere they go. She never does, but Ali thankfully remembered to pack them in his diaper bag, so Jamie proudly shows Ken his superhero sticker when he gets downstairs.

“Did you wash your hands?” Ali asks, walking into the kitchen. She gives Ashlyn a quick kiss before stealing her cup of coffee, but Ashlyn doesn’t blink an eye, simply grabbing another mug to pour her own.

“Yeah!” Jamie says, only halfway done with a bite of scrambled eggs.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, buddy,” Ashlyn reminds him, reaching to put a napkin in his lap.

“Big plans today?” Ken asks.

“We’re going to go to the farmers market,” Ashlyn announces, surprising Ali. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”

“Yeah, sure,” Ali says, smiling. “God, I haven’t been there in years.”

“You took me there on one of our first weekends living here,” Ashlyn reminds her. “And we bought fresh apples for you to make me your famous apple pie, so when you said that last night, it reminded me.”

“You’re making pie?” Ken asks, brightening considerably.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Ali laughs. “But yeah, do you want us to pick up anything else while we’re out?”

“What do you want for dinner, Jim Jam?" Ken asks, using his special nickname for Jamie.

"Ummm," Jamie thinks. "Cookie?" He looks to Ashlyn for approval, and she laughs.

"Tell grandpa we'll love anything he makes," she says.

"If you find any good-looking tomatoes, grab some," he says. "I think I'll make spaghetti with homemade sauce. Jamie can help, sound good buddy?"

"Yes!" Jamie exclaims.

"Come on, babe, let's get dressed," Ashlyn says, lifting Jamie out of his booster seat. She carries him toward Ali, who gives him a kiss, smiling gratefully at Ashlyn for taking over. Typically weekends where Ashlyn has away games are stressful for Ali because everything that can go wrong does go wrong when Ashlyn is gone and unable to help, so Ashlyn helps out even more than usual when they have weekends like this.

Ali comes up for a shower while Ashlyn and Jamie get ready, then Jamie watches SportsCenter with Ken while Ashlyn packs the diaper bag, running down her mental list of must-haves.

It only takes them arriving at the farmers market for Ashlyn to realize she left one of the most crucial elements of a day out with a toddler: the stroller.

"Ashlyn," Ali groans. "We have to go back and get it."

"No we don't," Ashlyn says. "It's okay, we'll be heading home for nap time anyway."

"And when he gets tired of walking and starts whining?" Ali asks.

"I'll carry him if it comes down to it," Ashlyn says. “Don’t worry, we’re going to have fun, okay?” She kisses Ali’s cheek, making her soften.

They decide to start at the end opposite the apples, figuring it will be easier to not have to carry them the whole time. Ashlyn has to grab Jamie and stop him from running straight at every dog he thinks is Simba (which is all of them), but they find tomatoes that are “good-looking” enough for Ken along with plenty of berries for a snack later and veggies to make a salad before dinner.

“Mama, up!” Jamie whimpers, wrapping an arm around Ali’s calf. Ali gives Ashlyn a pointed look, and Ashlyn bends down to pick him up. Once he’s up, though, he still isn’t satisfied. “Juice!” he demands.

“How do we ask?” Ali asks as Ashlyn digs in the diaper bag on her shoulder.

“Peeeeease juice, Mama?” he says, leaning his head on Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“Did you pack his sippy cup?” Ashlyn asks.

“Did I?” Ali asks. “You were the one who packed the bag.”

“Yeah, but his juice was on the table where you were,” Ashlyn says.

“So I was automatically supposed to know you would have forgotten?” Ali asks. “Well, excuse me.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Ashlyn says. “Calm down.”

“Actually it is a big deal,” Ali says. “I know you think it’s endearing when you are irresponsible, but it’s really getting old. First the stroller, then the sippy cup, did you even remember to pack diapers in the diaper bag?”

“Chill out,” Ashlyn says, trying to downplay her hurt.

“I can’t do everything myself,” Ali sighs, her eyes becoming glassy with tears. “I love you but I need you to step up sometimes.”

“I do—” Ashlyn starts, but she knows Ali doesn’t mean it. It’s one of those moments where her hormones get the best of her at a vulnerable moment, and the best Ashlyn can do is nod and agree. “I’m sorry,” she says. “You’re right. I should have double checked before leaving.”

“You should have,” Ali says. “It’s fine. Whatever. I need to go to the bathroom. Can you get the apples?”

“If I can’t be trusted to care for our kids, how could I possibly pick the right apples?” Ashlyn mutters under her breath, knowing it’s a cheap shot.

“What did you say?” Ali asks.

“I’ll get the apples,” Ashlyn says.

“You’re a real piece of work,” Ali says, rolling her eyes. “I’ll meet you at the car.” She walks away to the bathroom and Ashlyn squeezes her eyes shut, chastising herself for not being able to keep her mouth shut for thirty seconds.

“Mama mad?” Jamie asks, twirling a piece of Ashlyn’s hair around his finger.

“Mama doesn’t feel good,” Ashlyn says. “But I didn’t help very much, did I, bud?”

“Kiss it better,” he suggests, and she laughs.

“Yeah, that’s usually a good choice,” Ashlyn says. “You might be right.” She carries him to the apples. “Want to pick some out, bud?” Jamie nods eagerly, and she sets him down. “Okay, point to the ones I should pick for Mama.” Jamie thinks of it as a fun game, and he scours the apples from his tiny vantage point until they have a bag full. Ashlyn pays for the apples and holds Jamie’s hand, grateful that he isn’t asking to be picked up again because she isn’t sure how she’d carry him, the apples, and the diaper bag all at once.

Jamie stops on the way to the car. “Mama look!” he exclaims, letting go of her hand.

“Jamie, hold my hand,” Ashlyn says, following him to pull him back. He’s running toward a flower stand. “Come on, we have to go meet Mommy at the car.”

“Mama likes lellow,” he says, pointing to the stand with the hand that isn’t holding Ashlyn’s. He’s referring to the yellow sunflowers sticking out above the rest, and Ashlyn melts at the suggestion.

“Should we get Mama flowers?” she asks, pulling out a 10-dollar bill from the diaper bag. “Do you think that would make her feel better?”

“Yeah!” Jamie says.

“Okay, tell the nice lady we want all the sunflowers we can get for this,” Ashlyn says, handing Jamie the money. He does as directed (or does his best anyway), and the woman at the stand grins at him, wrapping up a gorgeous bouquet. She hands it to Jamie and they wave goodbye, walking toward the car, where Ali is standing, talking on the phone (probably to Kyle, probably complaining about Ashlyn).

“Mama!” Jamie exclaims, running toward Ali with the sunflowers in hand. She bends down as much as she can to scoop him up, holding him on her hip.

“For me?” Ali gasps dramatically. “Thank you!” She kisses Jamie on the cheek, turning her attention back to the phone call. “Sorry, Kyle, Jamie and Ash are back at the car. J, say hi to Uncle Kyle!”

“Hi!” Jamie practically screams, squirming wildly to reach for the phone, but Ashlyn grabs him before he can fall, putting him into his car seat. Ali mouths a thank you as she hangs up with Kyle.

Jamie falls asleep almost as soon as Ashlyn starts driving, and they ride along in silence for a bit, Ali quietly reaching for Ashlyn’s hand to hold in her lap.

“I’m sorry,” Ali says finally, and Ashlyn glances at her out of the corner of her eye.

“For what?” Ashlyn asks. “I’m sorry I forgot his stuff. I really messed up.”

“You didn’t,” Ali says, squeezing her hand. “It was a mistake. I make the same mistakes all the time when I’m alone with him. I don’t know why I reacted that way.”

“It’s okay,” Ashlyn says, her hand drifting toward Ali’s bump. “I love this little girl, but she makes you a little crabby sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Ali admits. “I didn’t mean what I said, by the way. About you not stepping up. You’re the best, and I know you do as much as you can. Forgetting the stroller and his sippy cup isn’t the end of the world, and it’s not even the worst we’ve screwed up since having him.”

“Like the time we got all the way to Portugal and realized we hadn’t packed any diapers?” Ashlyn teases.

“Like that,” Ali laughs. “Thank God for A Rod.” She places her hands over Ashlyn’s, which is gently rubbing circles on her tummy. “I’m scared. Like, if I’m this stressed with just him, what’s going to happen when she’s born?”

“You’re going to be even more of a Supermom than you already are,” Ashlyn answers. “I am going to be around, we’ll be in the offseason, and I will do everything I possibly can to make your life easier. We’re in this together, right?”

“Absolutely,” Ali says. “But if those apples aren’t perfect, I might rethink that.”


	6. Hang In There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLASHBACK: Ashlyn and Ali hate being apart, but it's even worse with a baby on the way. The moms-to-be cope with balancing work obligations and the looming arrival of their firstborn... with a little help from their teammates ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the 22nd day of Krashmas (literally how has it flown by so fast?!?!), and I figured we should show appreciation for another type of holiday.

“I’ll be home in two weeks,” Ashlyn says as she releases Ali from her death-grip hug in the check-in area at the airport. It's more to reassure herself than anyone else, and Ali nods, resting a hand on her belly. She does it out of habit, but Ashlyn notices and reacts, setting down her duffel bag to crouch down so her face is level with Ali’s stomach. “You just hang in there, okay?” she says. “Just let your mommy take good care of you till I get back, then we can have a nice big celebration with the three of us.”

“He will,” Ali promises. They talked about Ashlyn sitting out this camp, but they know the reality of the job, and that is that no call-up is ever promised, and every camp is the chance to audition for the next camp, the next roster, the next tournament. It isn’t something either one of them wants to risk, so she’s going. They also talked about Ali coming along but determined it would be best for her and the baby to be at home and under as little stress as possible. In case of an emergency, Ashlyn’s mom is basically right down the road, along with any teammates, all of whom would be happy to help with anything. Luckily, this camp is in South Florida, so at most (not counting traffic), Ashlyn will only be a three-hour drive (or an hour-long flight) away should anything unexpected happen.

Ali isn’t due for another three weeks, April 14 to be exact, and camp ends April 4. The doctor has assured them that the baby is in no rush. Things happen, he had said, but they shouldn’t plan their entire lives around the slim chance that he might make an early entrance into the world. Ali and the baby are perfectly healthy and normal, he’d announced, and he wouldn’t be surprised if the baby wanted to hang out a bit past term, even. It doesn’t make either one of them less nervous, though.

Ashlyn stands back up to kiss Ali quickly on the lips. She’d linger, but she knows how Ali feels about PDA, and they’ve already both been approached for autographs five times since arriving at the airport. Now Alex is getting the majority of the attention, which is a relief for Ashlyn, who prefers to say her goodbyes in private.

“It’s never going to get easier, is it?” Ashlyn asks, and Ali shakes her head.

“No, but that’s okay,” Ali says. “This is the last time for a while, and it’s always so good when we see each other again.”

“Next camp, you’ll be there,” Ashlyn promises, and Ali laughs, glancing down at her stomach.

“Maybe two camps from now.”

“Either way,” Ashlyn says. “You and…” She glances around. “This little guy are coming with me everywhere as soon as he gets here.”

Ali smiles. They have a name all picked out for their baby boy, but they want to keep it a secret till the day he’s born, so Ashlyn is extra cautious in public. “Whatever you say.”

“Ash, you ready?” Alex asks, walking up to them. She gives Ali a quick side hug, brushing the bump as if to greet the baby.

“Love you,” Ashlyn says, kissing Ali on the cheek. “And you,” she says to the baby. “Remember what I said. Hold him in if you have to.”

“Promise,” Ali agrees. She waves, watching them walk toward security, and blinks back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, knowing that as soon as she turns around she’ll have picture and autograph requests.

She already feels like a protective mother because she never cared before about being stopped for pictures before, and she’s still happy to do it, but part of her feels like she needs Ashlyn around when the baby is involved—which is always. She’s lost count of the number of times well-meaning young fans and their well-meaning mothers have asked to touch her stomach and given her unsolicited advice.

With the combination of pregnancy hormones and leaving Ashlyn for longer than a few hours, she’s in no mood for it, but she brightens when she sees the gaggle of young girls wearing Orlando Pride and USWNT gear, most in Alex’s #13, but one wearing a Krieger jersey and another wearing a Harris one.

“Oh my God, it must be any day now!” a woman with them—presumably the mom who was forced to cart her daughter’s entire soccer team to the airport for this—croons, and Ali forces a smile. That’s her favorite. She knows her tummy is enormous, especially against her lean and strong frame, and it doesn’t bother her when she’s around people she knows and loves, but she feels self-conscious when other people comment on it.

“Not for a few more weeks, actually,” she says.

“You’re going to burst!”

“Um, I have to be somewhere,” Ali lies. “Do you guys have something for me to sign?”

The girls all offer their backs and ticket stubs along with Sharpies for her to sign, which she does happily. Her stomach growls as she gets to the last one, and Jamie starts kicking up a storm. She places a hand to her stomach to settle him until she can at least find a bathroom, feeling a pang of sadness that Ashlyn isn’t there to rush over and feel him. She knows her interaction with the baby is limited as long as he’s inside of Ali, so she soaks up every chance she gets with him.

She waves goodbye to the girls, hustling as fast as her swollen ankles can carry her to find her car, a bathroom, and some food, not necessarily in that order.

~

“I promise, I feel fine,” Ali laughs, reassuring Ashlyn for what must be the tenth time tonight. “Everything is normal, no weird cravings, not even any heartburn.”

“That’s the opposite of normal then,” Ashlyn points out. “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been driving you crazy checking in, I just hate being so far from you guys.”

“What do you mean?” Ali asks. “You’re right here.”

Ashlyn smiles sadly, watching Ali on her phone screen. “You look tired, baby. I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Not in a bad way, I just know you too well,” Ashlyn says. “Sweet dreams, princess. And good night, my little prince! I’ll see you both in a few days.”

“He says good night,” Ali says. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Ashlyn is rooming with Alex, who’s out to a late dinner with some family friends in Fort Lauderdale, and she knows better than to wait up because as soon as Ali goes to sleep, Ashlyn’s going to stress about not having by-the-minute updates. They were never this codependent before, were they? She doesn’t think so.

It isn’t until hours later that Ashlyn wakes up, aided by Alex gently shaking her. “Hey,” she whispers. “You up?”

“I am now,” Ashlyn groans. “What do you want?” She rubs her eyes to see in the dim light of the room that Alex, Whitney, Sydney, and HAO are standing quietly by her bed.

“Just stay calm,” Alex says. “Don’t freak out.”

“What’s going on?” Ashlyn asks, sitting up. She fumbles for her phone, but she can’t find it under her pillow, so she figures it must have fallen behind her bed.

“I told you to stay calm!”

Whitney sits by Ashlyn, putting a hand on her arm. “We gotta go,” she says gently. “It’s time. Ali’s having the baby.”

“No she’s not!” Ashlyn exclaims, her heart rate skyrocketing. “Where’s my phone? Is she at the hospital yet? How long?”

“I came back to your phone blowing up, but it was on silent,” Alex says, holding it up so she can see. “Ali texted the four of us to see who could wake you up so you could get going. Her mom is on the way, she’s going to stop here and pick you up.”

“We can’t drive!” Ashlyn says. “We need to fly. I’ll buy plane tickets. No, I need to pack. Whitney, you buy the tickets, you know my email password.” She gets up, throwing her phone charger toward her suitcase, which she zips hastily, not bothering to pack anything. “Where’s my phone? I need to call Ali!” Alex is holding up Ashlyn’s phone, staring intently at it and biting her lip, and Ashlyn reaches out her hand. “Alex!” she exclaims. “Phone!”

When Alex looks up to meet Ashlyn’s frantic eyes, she can’t contain herself anymore, and Whitney, Syd, and HAO catch on, looking at Alex before turning to Ashlyn and declaring in unison: “April fools!”

The look on Ashlyn’s face says it all before she gets the words out. “Are you guys fucking serious?” she exclaims. They can’t stop laughing, but Ashlyn is anything but amused. “Did Ali put you up to this?”

“Ali had nothing to do with it,” HAO assures her. “But oh my God, you should have seen the look on your face.”

“You can!” Alex exclaims, handing back her phone, which was recording the whole thing. “Oh my God, priceless.”

Ashlyn glances at the clock, which says 12:30 a.m. “So Ali’s not having a baby.”

“Not right now,” Whitney says. “In general, yes, that’s still happening. That was not an elaborate prank.”

“And you guys are all completely fucked up and evil,” she says.

“That’s fair,” Syd concedes.

“I don’t know how I’m going to get back at you,” Ashlyn starts, sinking down back onto her bed, attempting to calm her heart and regain her breath. “And you won’t know when to be expecting it, but I guarantee, you’re all going to pay for this.”

The girls look at each other, bursting into another round of laughter.

“So worth it,” Alex decides. All the rest of the girls nod in agreement.

Well, almost all the girls.


	7. Once a Bagel, Always a Bagel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn finally choose a "real" name for Bagel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KRASHMAS DAY 23 (and my half birthday) WHAT'S UPPPP

“What about Sadie?” Ali asks.

“That was my neighbor’s dog’s name growing up, veto,” Ashlyn says.

“Okay, you don’t have unlimited vetoes,” Ali says. “You’ve shot down like all of my names so far.”

“Yeah, because none of them are good enough for our baby,” Ashlyn says, kissing Ali’s belly. She’s wearing a sports bra and maternity yoga pants with the band turned down to expose her bump. If she lies flat on her back, she can’t see her feet anymore, and she’s getting to the point in her pregnancy where there’s so much to do and so little time left to do it.

Like picking a name, for instance.

“Why didn’t we come up with any girl names last time you were pregnant?” Ashlyn asks.

“He was going to be Jamie either way,” Ali reminds her. That was an easy one for them, because they picked names before finding out the sex, knowing that one way or another they’d pay homage to their families. If Jamie were a girl, he would have been Jameson Kyle, but he was a boy, so they went with Christopher James, figuring the order didn’t matter and it sounded better than James Christopher anyway.

They promised to make it up to Kyle with the second (though immediately after giving birth, Ali wasn’t sure they’d even have another to be able to follow through on that), so her middle name is already etched in stone. Now the trouble is finding a name that sounds good with that and that both Ali and Ashlyn like. It’s a struggle, to say the least.

“I liked Jameson,” Ashlyn says. “Why can’t we just do that?”

“And have two Jamies? Ashlyn.”

“I don’t know,” Ashlyn sighs, exasperated. “You’re the one doing all the hard work, you pick.”

“Stop that,” Ali says, running a hand through Ashlyn’s hair. They worked through most of the insecurity and weirdness during Ali’s first pregnancy, and Ashlyn learned to accept Ali’s natural nine-month connection to the babies while Ali learned to never use that as a tool in an argument to hold over Ashlyn’s head, no matter how minor it seems to her. “I’m not going to name our baby something you hate. There are plenty of names we both like.”

“Yeah, but it’s our baby girl,” Ashlyn says. “She can’t just have any name.”

“I agree,” Ali says. “I’d say ask Jamie, but he already has his mind made up that she’s Bagel, and nothing is changing that.”

“I think another J name would be nice,” Ashlyn says softly. “Like Jamie and Joy. Or Jamie and Jenny.”

“I like Joy,” Ali says. “But I like it more as a middle name, and Kyle Joy doesn’t work.”

“Whit already claimed Joy as a middle name anyway,” Ashlyn says. “Best friend code.”

“So what names do you like?” Ali asks. Ashlyn pauses, and Ali watches her eyes move around the room, avoiding Ali’s. “You have one, don’t you?”

“I don’t want you to hate it,” Ashlyn says. “I’ve been writing down names I like whenever I hear them, especially since we started talking about having another baby, and there’s this one—but I don’t want you to hate it. And I definitely don’t want you to hate it and pretend not to hate it because you know how much I like it.”

“I’ll be honest,” Ali agrees. “I love you, but a name’s a name. And if I don’t like it, telling you is going to be ripping off a band-aid, but living with it forever is going to be way worse. I’ll be honest.”

“Great,” Ashlyn laughs. “That makes me feel better.”

“Come on,” Ali urges her. “Tell me.”

“I think Jillian would be really nice,” Ashlyn says, searching Ali’s face for a reaction, but she sees nothing.

“Jillian,” Ali says again. “Jillian Kyle. Jillian Kyle Krieger-Harris.”

“Well when you say it like that it’s kind of a mouthful.”

“It’s perfect,” Ali says. “We can call her Jill. Or Jillie, at least when she’s little. Or whatever she wants to be called.”

“Really?” Ashlyn asks. “You’re not just saying that?”

“Jamie and Jillian,” Ali says, testing it out on her tongue. “I really do like it a lot. And I’m going to love it on our daughter.”

Ashlyn kisses Ali softly, her hand gently resting on Ali’s stomach. Ali’s hand covers it, and Ashlyn tries it out again. “Hey, Jillian.”

Ali’s eyes widen, and she presses Ashlyn’s hand harder into her belly. “Say it again.”

“Jillian?” Ashlyn says, and she feels a tiny kick.

“She might just like your voice,” Ali says. “But I’ll take that as a sign. That’s her name.”

Ashlyn presses a kiss to Ali’s forehead, and Ali laughs. “What?”

“I was just thinking about how we’re going to break it to Jamie that Bagel is going to have a different name.”

“It’ll be okay,” Ashlyn says. “I don’t think she’ll ever stop being Bagel to him. Once a Bagel, always a Bagel.”


	8. A Little R&R

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn discover how important rest and relaxation is for new parents.

Waking up to the sound of tinkering around the kitchen and the smell of coffee used to to mean a typical weekday morning in the Krieger-Harris household, but for the past six weeks, this kind of wake-up has been anything but ordinary. Ali sits straight up when she realizes she hasn’t been woken up by a screaming baby.

“Ash!” she says, breathing heavily, but Ashlyn isn’t beside her. Of course not, she must be the one brewing coffee and making noise in the kitchen. She breathes a sigh of relief. The monitor isn’t on her night stand, so Ashlyn must have gotten up with Jamie and taken it with her to let Ali sleep.

When she gets downstairs, sure enough, the monitor is on the kitchen counter and Ashlyn is sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.

“Good morning,” Ali says, kissing her on the cheek as she makes her way into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. “Is Jamie sleeping?”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn says, not lifting her eyes from the page she’s reading. “I fed him and changed him, he’s fine.”

“What time did you get up?”

“I don’t know,” Ashlyn says. “I slept on the futon in the nursery. We were up and down.”

“Why’d you do that?” Ali asks, setting her mug down and sitting beside Ashlyn.

“Didn’t want you to wake up.”

“That’s sweet of you, but what happened to being a team and taking turns?”

“I just figured you could use the rest.” Ashlyn finally looks up at Ali. “You should pump some more though, he got through most of the reserves in the fridge.”

“I will after I nurse him when he wakes up,” Ali says. “You okay?”

“Fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

Ashlyn sets her coffee mug on the glass table a bit harder than she intended, startling Ali. “Do you remember what we did last night?”

“What? Of course,” Ali says, racking her brain. She doesn’t really, not off the top of her head, but she smiles when she does remember. “We got the all-clear from the doctor to have sex,” she says softly, kissing Ashlyn’s cheek and nipping at her jaw. “And you made an amazing dinner while I nursed Jamie and then you lit candles and I put him to bed and we shared a bottle of wine and went upstairs…” Her hand finds Ashlyn’s knee, and her fingers make their way toward her shorts.

“Then what?” Ashlyn asks, taking Ali’s hand in her own and moving it off her leg.

“Then I put on the lingerie I bought when I went shopping with Alex right before Jamie was born for this very occasion.”

“Uh-huh, and then…”

“Ashlyn,” Ali says, blushing. “Obviously we, you know…”

“Right,” Ashlyn says. “Only we didn’t.”

“What? Yes we did!” Ali exclaims. “I remember you kissing me and undressing me, and…”

“And falling asleep five minutes in?”

“What?”

“You fell asleep, Alex,” Ashlyn sighs.

And it suddenly makes sense to Ali, why she can’t remember anything past Ashlyn laying her down on the bed and unhooking her bra. “Oh my God,” she breathes. “I did. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. You did so much to make last night special, and I just fell asleep.”

“It’s not the fact that you fell asleep that bothers me,” Ashlyn says. “It’s the fact that you were clearly way too tired for it and you didn’t just tell me that. I want to have sex with you, but more than that, I want you to be healthy and well-rested and operating at your full potential.”

“I didn’t think—”

 

“Let me finish. You can’t be the incredible mom I know you can be if you aren’t taking care of yourself. When you’re exhausted, I want you to rest. You don’t sleep, Al. You barely eat. You’re up when he’s up, which is every two hours, and when he’s sleeping, you’re cleaning or pumping or cooking or whatever the hell you do.”

“I know,” Ali says. “But I really did want that last night. Like, really bad.”

“I would have been okay having a romantic dinner and cuddling,” Ashlyn says. “Or taking a nice bath or whatever would relax you. I know we joked a lot about how hard it was to abstain, but I never want you to feel like you have to do that for me. You fell asleep!”

“I did,” Ali says. “A bath would have been amazing. I was excited too, I guess I just didn’t realize how tired I was. But I love you. A lot.” She stands up to sit in Ashlyn’s lap, wrapping her arms around her neck and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

“I love you too,” Ashlyn says. “We’ll be back to normal sooner if you let yourself rest, though.”

“When did you put Jamie down?” Ali asks, kissing Ashlyn’s cheek.

“About twenty minutes ago, why?”

“Because that should give us at least another hour—maybe an hour and a half if he’s feeling generous—to make up for last night,” Ali says, her teeth scraping her wife’s earlobe.

“Alex,” Ashlyn groans, her arms tightening around Ali’s waist. “You’re killing me.”

“No longer,” Ali says. “Because I got a full eight hours last night thanks to the absolute best mom I know, and I’m ready to rock and roll.”

“Ready to rock and roll? You really do sound like a mom.”

“Time is of the essence, my love,” Ali says, her lips finding a spot on Ashlyn’s neck that she knows very well. “Run us a bath while I grab a bite for breakfast. Bubbles. Lots of them. And you. Naked by the time I get up there. Think you can manage that?”

“I think I can work something out,” Ashlyn says, releasing her grip on Ali to let her stand up.

As soon as Ashlyn is up the stairs, the monitor crackles with the sound of a fussy baby. Ali cringes, picking up the monitor and speaking into it quietly, even though she knows it only goes one way.

“Listen buddy,” she says. “We love you a lot. But let us have this, alright? I promise we’ll be much better mommies afterward.” She hears a few more whimpers before it goes quiet again with the white noise of Jamie’s fan. “Good, glad we’re on the same page.”


	9. Hydration is Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali receives an unexpected phone call while Ashlyn is away at camp.

Ali is balancing a baby on her hip and attempting to bring in an entire shopping trip’s worth of groceries when her cell rings in her purse, but it’s Ashlyn’s familiar ring tone, so she drops the bags on the floor of the kitchen to pick it up.

Ashlyn is at camp with the national team, and they don’t get to talk nearly as much as they’d like, given the time difference between Florida and California, Ali’s full-time job chasing around their toddler, and Ashlyn’s propensity to be a social butterfly. It’s the first one Ali’s missed since becoming pregnant with their second child. The rumors are already circling about her absence, but like so many times before, Ali and Ashlyn don’t care if everyone knows, they still won’t announce it till they’re good and ready.

“Hey, baby,” she says. “Hang on one sec. Jamie fell asleep in the car, so I’m going to put him down in his crib.”

“Yeah, do that,” says a voice that’s not Ashlyn’s.

“Alex?”

“Ash wanted me to call you, but you can call me back after putting him down,” she says quickly.

“What’s wrong?” It’s not that Alex never calls Ali on the phone, but she certainly never calls from Ashlyn’s phone. “Where’s Ashlyn?”

“Please don’t freak out, I promise everything is fine. But she’s in the hospital,” Alex sighs.

“She’s where?” Ali exclaims, waking the baby on her shoulder. She rocks him when he starts to whimper.

“Well, she’s on her way. We don’t know anything yet, but she fainted at practice and I think she landed on her wrist, so they’re just checking everything out.”

“She fainted? Like unconscious?”

“As soon as she hit the ground she was talking,” Alex says. “I think it was dehydration or something, but it’s not serious.”

“And her wrist?”

“She said it really hurt,” Alex says calmly. There’s no point lying to Ali because she’ll find out everything eventually, and it’s not worth her wrath. Besides, if she sugarcoats it, Ali will see through her and think it’s a lot worse. “It didn’t look good, but it didn’t look broken.”

“Why didn’t she take her phone?”

“I’m in the locker room,” Alex says. “They grabbed most of her stuff but her phone was plugged in on the wall and she didn’t think to tell them.”

Ali’s heart races, and her head spins as she plans her next move. Realistically, she knows there’s nothing she can do, but she’s still trying to remember which folder on her computer stores their frequent flyer numbers and figure out when she can reschedule Jamie’s check-up at the doctor that’s supposed to be tomorrow.

“Practice is almost over,” Alex says. “I’m going to leave here and go straight to the hospital, okay? She’ll have her phone, she’ll be able to talk to you.”

“Does—do any—it wasn’t open training, was it?” Ali asks, her brain struggling to remember when the damn friendly is supposed to be.

“No,” Alex says. “Nobody knows, and we definitely didn’t want you to find out that way.”

“Thank you,” Ali says. “I—I have to go.”

“Ali.”

“It’s okay, thank you,” she says. “Please just call me if you know anything new or when you see her or whatever.”

Ali is a wreck for the next two hours. Jamie naps while she wrings her hands and calls her mother-in-law to fill her in, followed by Kyle and then Deb, all of whom are more worried about Ali than Ashlyn, well aware of her tendency to worry unnecessarily and Ashlyn’s ability to recover quickly.

Jamie seems aware of his mom’s demeanor, because he’s mellow even after his nap, settling for a bottle and a story in her big bed, twirling her hair around his finger and blinking up with big, innocent eyes till she drifts off, woken what feels like seconds later by her phone, ringing again signaling Ashlyn.

“Hello?” she answers hesitantly, not sure who to expect.

“God, I miss that voice,” Ashlyn groans. “You okay, babe?”

“Me? What about you?” Ali asks.

“It’s a sprain,” Ashlyn says. “Nothing serious. A little swelling and bruising, but they’re taking good care of me, and I should be in tip-top shape by Sunday. I’m already back at camp.”

“What about the fainting?”

“I didn’t faint,” Ashlyn says.

“Ashlyn,” Ali says warningly. “You didn’t just fall hard enough to hurt your wrist.”

“Sympathy pains for your pregnancy?” Ashlyn teases, but she can feel Ali’s eyes narrowing through the phone. “I didn’t drink enough water. I know.”

Typically this is where Ali would scold Ashlyn, but she’s so relieved to hear her voice and know she’s okay that she gives her a break. “I’m glad it’s nothing serious. I hate being away from you when things like this happen.”

“You wouldn’t have been able to do anything if you had,” Ashlyn reminds her gently.

“I would have made you drink.”

“You would have told me to drink and I would have rolled my eyes and told you you worry too much and been in the same situation, only you’d actually have to see it and then feel helpless that you couldn’t do anything about it. I’ve been there once or twice, remember?”

“I guess the tables have turned. You know you don’t have to make up for my absence on the pitch by hurting yourself enough for the both of us.”

“A kiss would make me feel better,” Ashlyn says.

“Me too,” Ali says, mindlessly turning her head to kiss the top of Jamie’s head.

“No fair, you get to kiss him,” Ashlyn groans. “Can I say hi?”

Ali clicks the FaceTime button, and Ashlyn’s face lights up the screen shortly after.

“Mama!” Jamie exclaims, pointing to Ashlyn and looking up at Ali with excitement.

“Hi, buddy!” Ashlyn says, her voice way more cheery than when she spoke to Ali. “Are you taking good care of Mommy?” He nods, his hand reaching toward the screen, which Ali holds out of his reach because little fingerprints are hard to clean.

“You look good,” Ali says.

“Easy, tiger.”

“I just miss you so much.” Ali’s eyes mist, which she tries (and fails) to hide from Ashlyn.

“Is the baby making you cry again?” Ashlyn asks, her tone light but her face concerned. “Didn’t we talk about this, little one?”

“I’m okay,” Ali says. “A little emotional. I’m just happy to see you.”

“Tell me about your day,” Ashlyn says. “One perk to this is I’m getting out of a double day. So I have all the time in the world.”

“We had waffles for breakfast, walked to the park with Simba then came home and had PB&J sandwiches for lunch, then we went to Publix and then came home for a nap,” Ali lists. “Now let me see your wrist.”

Ashlyn lifts it up to the camera, grimacing. It’s wrapped in an Ace bandage, but Ali can tell it’s swollen, and she pouts.

“Poor baby,” she tuts.

“Jamie, what did you do at the park?” Ashlyn asks, reaching off screen for something, which Ali realizes is her laptop when she sets her phone on it for balance.

Jamie babbles about the slide and swings and the dogs Simba made friends with, Ali jumping in to interpret every so often. Ashlyn nods and laughs, happy to feel like she’s with her family again, as much as she can be anyway, but she seems distracted by whatever she’s doing on her computer, and Ali frowns.

“If you’re busy, we can talk later,” Ali says gently.

“No, no, sorry I’m almost done,” Ashlyn says, typing something quickly. Seconds after she picks her phone back up and closes her computer, Ali’s phone dings with the arrival of a new email confirming her purchase of tickets of some sort. Confused, Ali clicks open the email, pausing the FaceTime. When she sees the content of the message, she gasps.

“Ashlyn, you didn’t,” Ali says, switching back to FaceTime, where Ashlyn is grinning from ear to ear.

“I know I’ll see you in a week, but that’s not soon enough,” Ashlyn says. “If you and Jamie come here tomorrow, you can go to the game Sunday and then travel with us to the other friendlies.”

“He has a doctor’s appointment,” Ali says, but she knows that’s a flimsy excuse, and she’s grinning with excitement already.

“I know, your calendar is synced to my phone, honey,” Ashlyn reminds her. “It’s not till afternoon. You have plenty of time. I’m going to see you tomorrow.”

“Not if I see you first,” Ali says, her demeanor completely changed. She feels giddy, like she remembers feeling when they started dating and Ashlyn would plan these grand gestures as often as she could. She still does, really, but every time it unleashes butterflies in Ali’s stomach, even more so now that Jamie is in the picture. There’s no feeling like being reunited as a family.

“And kiss you and hug you,” Ashlyn says. “And it’s my left wrist that’s injured, so maybe more than that if we can get Alex to take J-A-M-I-E out for I-C-E C-R-E-A-M one night.”

“There’s always the S-H-O-W-E-R,” Ali says.

“You know there’s no need to spell when he doesn’t understand context, right?”

Ali shrugs, smiling stupidly. “Just make sure you keep yourself hydrated, you’ll need it.”


	10. Stronger Than Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLASHBACK: Ali and Ashlyn encounter roadblocks on their path to motherhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typically I hate giving anything away right off the bat, but I need to include a very strong **TRIGGER WARNING** here for pregnancy loss. There's nothing graphic, but if you want to skip this one, I understand :)

If you asked Ali Krieger what she would consider to be the greatest feeling in the world, she would say hope. If you asked her what she would consider to be the worst, her answer would be the same. The thing about hope is that no matter how hard you try to suppress it, the tiniest glimmer can turn you into a fool. But when that glimmer goes away, its absence feels worse than never having had it in the first place. When the glimmer fades away, you’re left with nothing, a pitch black darkness that you don’t believe could ever glimmer again. Until it does, and the cycle begins all over again.Ali thinks she might be an expert in that field by now.

She remembers the disappointment of losing the World Cup in 2011 like it was yesterday. It was written in the stars, they all believed. She remembers how close she got to competing in the 2012 Olympics only to be sidelined by a tragic injury caused by a sloppy and reckless tackle. But none of those things can even come close to the darkness of losing the first baby.

They’d known the risks, they’d known the chances, but that damn hope made it impossible for Ali and Ashlyn to keep their excitement to themselves. They told their families first, then two friends each (Liz and HAO for Ali, Whitney and Niki for Ashlyn), but it didn’t take long for them to spiral out of control. Soon enough, every teammate they’d ever had knew, and word spread quickly through their extended families.

Then, in the middle of the night, it was gone. Ali had been cramping since lunchtime. The doctor had provided them with pamphlets and reading materials on when to freak out and when to breathe and realize that pregnancy is weird and weird things happen.

She had fallen asleep with Ashlyn rubbing her back, pretending it didn't hurt as much as it did, and she woke up in a sweat at 1:36 a.m. She ran to the bathroom, and Ashlyn was behind her in an instant, having felt Ali’s temperature spike against her own skin while she slept.

Ashlyn stood in the doorway as Ali clutched her stomach, sitting over the toilet. Ali looked down, and Ashlyn knew. She rushed to Ali’s side, holding her while she wept. She kissed her forehead and squeezed her tight while Ali wore herself out from crying. When she got Ali back into bed, she escaped to the living room, where she cried and clutched a pillow to her heaving chest. She felt selfish for crying when it was Ali who had to go through the real pain. What she didn't realize was the worst part for Ali was waking up and hearing Ashlyn trying (and failing) to keep her sobs quiet.

Ali was hesitant to try again, but the doctor gently suggested that while they should take whatever time they needed to grieve, many women psych themselves out from trying again after the heartbreak of one miscarriage. That wasn't an option for Ali and Ashlyn, they decided, so they took the next chance they got.

That time, Ali found out on her own, two weeks before Ashlyn left for a two-week intensive goalkeeping clinic in Chapel Hill, something she’d been planning for more than a year. She’d been ultra protective of Ali and their first baby even before the miscarriage, so Ali knew she'd cancel the instant she found out. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to keep it from her for just a few weeks, she figured.

And it wasn't. She wrote her morning sickness off as food poisoning, and luckily it didn't really kick into gear until Ashlyn left, leaving little explanation needed. She started planning how she would tell Ashlyn, finally settling on a banner saying “Welcome Home Mommy” that would hang in the entryway of the house. As the days wore on, she let herself get more excited about the look on Ashlyn’s face and the bump updates and the decorations for the baby’s nursery. She let herself hope again.

But this time when it happened, she was completely alone. Her initial instinct was to call Ashlyn, but Ashlyn didn't even know she was pregnant. She lay in bed for two days straight, only getting up to pee and drink some water. When Ashlyn FaceTimed her at the end of the second day, Ali knew she couldn't avoid seeing her forever.

As soon as Ali’s face appeared on the screen, Ashlyn knew something was wrong.

“Baby,” Ashlyn said slowly, and Ali broke down completely. Ashlyn was home by midnight.

The month following the second miscarriage was the worst of their entire marriage, and probably the worst of her life, Ali thinks. Ashlyn would agree if they ever talked about it, but they didn’t. They didn’t try again, they didn’t even talk about it. The tension came to a head after Ashlyn inexplicably blew up at Ali over another quiet dinner.

“I think I’m going to go see my mom,” Ali said when Ashlyn finally returned to bed. She had disappeared after the fight for a long walk on the beach.

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“When are you coming back?”

“I don’t know,” Ali said. “No practice, no reason for me to be here.”

“No reason?” Ashlyn had laughed. “That’s great. Classic.”

“What’s your problem?” Ali asked. “You’ve been like this for weeks.”

“I’ve been like what?” Ashlyn challenged.

“Hot-headed,” Ali said. “Mean. I figured you were on your period or something, but this is too much.”

“Maybe you should go to your mom’s,” Ashlyn said. “After all, you seem so dedicated to ignoring your problems and pretending they don’t exist.”

“I needed you!” Ali exclaimed, sitting up in bed. “You came home, but after that, nothing. You didn’t even ask me how I was feeling. Like shit, by the way.”

“You didn’t seem to want me involved.”

“You’re my wife, of course I want you involved,” Ali said. “Isn’t that what you promised in your vows? And isn’t that what you do when you love someone? You didn’t even seem to care.”

“It’s pretty hard to grieve for a baby you didn’t even know existed,” Ashlyn retorted. Ali’s eyes widened in shock. “Sorry, were you going to pretend that was just… okay?”

“Ashlyn—”

“Don’t,” Ashlyn said. “The fact that I even needed to say anything for you to even consider that you might have fucked up tells me everything I need to know.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve considered that,” Ali said. “I’ve thought about it every single day since it happened, and I feel horrible. But tell me you wouldn’t have blown off that clinic and stayed here with me if you’d known.”

“You bet your ass I would have,” Ashlyn said. “And maybe—”

“Maybe what?” Ali asked. “Maybe it wouldn’t have happened? Maybe you’d have magically been able to stop it? You knew the first time. You were here every second of it, and the baby still died, Ashlyn.”

“You should have told me! It’s not fair that I didn’t get to be part of that decision at all. I didn’t get to be a part of the baby’s life for a single second. You took that from me. So you want to talk about being mean? That was mean. That was selfish, Alex. And I’m having trouble forgiving you for it.”

“You have every right to be angry—”

“You’re right. I do.”

“But you should have told me sooner,” Ali said. “Maybe you could have started trying to forgive me sooner. And I could have started earning your forgiveness.”

“I’m trying, I really am,” Ashlyn said, sitting on the bed to wrap her arms around Ali. It wass probably their most intimate embrace since leaving the doctor the day after the miscarriage. They kissed hello and goodbye because it’s weird not to, and they always woke up somewhat tangled, but never purposefully so, and they never lingered in the mornings like they used to.

It takes them three more months and that many months’ worth of weekly counseling sessions to try again, and as much as they try to contain themselves, they let themselves hope.

Ashlyn notices Ali’s symptoms before she does after her fourth round of treatments, this one not coming quite as easily as the last two.

“Do you feel okay?” she asks one night, after a few minutes of having her arms wrapped around Ali. “You’re warm.” She presses the back of her hand to Ali’s neck and then forehead.

“I might have a little bug,” Ali says. “I felt kind of rundown today.”

“Have you—” Ashlyn starts.

“Do you think—” Ali says at the same time.

“Let’s go,” Ashlyn says, sitting up and rolling out of bed.

“Ash, it can wait,” Ali says, but she follows.

“We aren’t going to be able to sleep unless we know for sure,” Ashlyn says.

It isn’t until halfway to the drugstore that Ali admits she’s scared.

“If you’re not pregnant this time, there’s always next time,” Ashlyn says.

“I’m more scared that I am,” Ali says. “And that I’ll lose it again.”

“First of all, remember what we talked about with saying it like that,” Ashlyn reminds Ali gently. Their therapist harps on wording a lot, but it’s made them both more in tune with why they say things they way they do. When Ali makes herself the active party in a situation in which she’s as much a victim as the baby, Ashlyn cringes. She reminds Ali every time that it’s not her fault. “We’re trying again because this is something we both want, right?”

Ali nods.

“We’ve both been disappointed and heartbroken before, but that’s why we have each other, right?”

Ali nods again.

“If, God forbid, something were to happen again, we would reevaluate. We’ve agreed we’re open to other options. I would never put you through anything that would hurt you. If this ends up not being what you want anymore, I’m on board. But right now, I don’t care how stupid or idealistic it sounds, there’s a baby in there. I can feel it. As far as I’m concerned, the other babies are as much a part of our hearts and our family as this one, but we’re going to get to hold this one. I know it.”

Nine months later, when Ali holds their beautiful baby boy and Ashlyn kisses her sweaty forehead, whispering to her about how well she did, she remembers those words. She cries, remembering the heartbreak, the disappointment, the fear of trying again, but none of those things matter anymore, not when she’s looking straight into the eyes of hope.


	11. Once More, With Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn accidentally discovers one of Ali's secret desires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLASHBACK: Jamie is a little over a year old at this point (which will become obvious) (but just so ya know)

Having a baby changes a lot of things for Ali and Ashlyn, but one thing it doesn’t change is their weekly Target run. An unspoken tradition of their relationship is that any time they’re home at the same time, they take a few hours in the afternoon to go to Target and lunch. Usually Ali has a list of some sort to keep them somewhat on track, though not nearly as extensive as her weekly grocery list, but it rarely works. Without fail, they’ll end up with at least 10 items in their cart that they picked up along the way and just had to have. Jamie adds a whole new layer to that struggle, but it’s a tradition nonetheless.

They debate about where to get lunch (Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden) as they unload the contents of their cart.

“Dammit,” Ali swears under her breath. “I forgot the diaper rash cream.”

“Okay, I’ll go get it,” Ashlyn says, moving around her to get out of the aisle.

“No, stay,” Ali says. “I know where it is, it’ll take me two seconds.”

It takes her far longer than two seconds, but Ashlyn hardly notices because by the time she returns, Jamie is fussing and crying in his seat, so Ashlyn is juggling her wallet and keys and attempting to pick him up all at once.

“Here, let me,” Ali says, putting everything she picked up on the belt. She grabs Jamie from his seat and takes Ashlyn’s wallet. “Why don’t you pull the car around and I’ll finish up?”

Ashlyn smiles and takes Jamie from her. “I’ll get him in his car seat,” she says, volunteering for the one job equally despised by them both. Something about these Target trips brings out their benevolent sides, though three years of marriage might help a little too.

Ali concedes to Ashlyn’s Cheesecake Factory wishes when she gets in the car, mostly because Ashlyn managed to calm Jamie down, get him into his carseat, and distract him with a teething ring all before Ali made her way out of the store.

Jamie’s the only one with a scheduled naptime, but by the time they’re done with lunch, everyone is ready to crash after a productive morning and an incredibly filling meal. While Ali puts Jamie down for a nap, Ashlyn fantasizes about lying in bed (fully clothed, not touching) with her wife as she unloads the bags, and she laughs, realizing she never would have imagined her life this way, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

But when she unpacks a bag with things she definitely didn’t buy, she’s shaken from her fantasy.

“He’s down, do you need help?” Ali asks, tying her hair up in a bun as she walks into the kitchen.

“No, I’m almost done. I think we accidentally took someone else’s stuff,” she sighs.

“Oh no,” Ali says, looking up. “Is there a receipt? Maybe we could find them.”

“No, just a bunch of baby clothes.”

Ali’s eyes widen. “Oh, um,” she says. “That’s weird.” She busies herself with the plastic bags, stuffing them all into one bag to keep in the kitchen for who knows what purpose.

“Dude, we got charged for them too,” Ashlyn groans, looking at the receipt.

“Ashlyn—”

“I know it’s not a big deal and at least the other person didn’t get charged, but it makes me wonder if we’re missing anything.”

“We aren’t,” Ali says.

“I just unpacked, you haven’t even—”

“I bought them,” Ali says.

“You what?” Ashlyn asks, confused. “You bought these?” She holds up a tiny dress and lace baby socks. “Why?”

“They were cute and I couldn’t pass them up,” Ali says. “All our friends are having babies, it’ll be good to be prepared for the next baby shower.”

Ashlyn sets down the clothes and folds her arms across her chest, smirking at Ali.

“What?”

“You have baby fever,” she says.

“What? I do not. I have a baby, how could I have baby fever?”

“We have a baby boy who’s walking and talking and growing up way too fast. You want a baby girl so bad.”

“We said we’d be okay with one,” Ali says softly.

“Yeah, but we both always talked about having two until we lost the first two,” Ashlyn says. Ali winces, still not used to talking about her miscarriages so bluntly.

“And now we have one perfect one,” Ali says.

“Yes, and I’m so thankful,” Ashlyn says, wrapping her arms around Ali’s shoulders and holding her close for a hug. “But maybe it’s time to think about another one. At least trying.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Ali asks timidly. “What if it does work and then—” She takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Like you said, we have one perfect baby that we hoped and prayed and cried and tried so hard for,” Ashlyn says. “But trying can’t take him away from us. It doesn’t mean we’re any less grateful or that we love him any less. But we both grew up with big brothers. You loved being so close with Kyle. And I know Kyle thinks that was really special too. If we could give that to Jamie and another baby, why wouldn’t we?”

Ali stays quiet, and when Ashlyn pulls away to look at her, she’s met with enormous brown eyes, wet with tears.

“Baby, don’t cry,” Ashlyn says, pulling her back in close. “I was just thinking out loud. I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me to think about what could happen too. We don’t have to talk about this right now, I just saw the clothes, and I felt—”

“Like it might be really nice to have a baby girl to love and adore and cuddle and smell that new baby smell?” Ali murmurs into her neck.

“Something like that,” Ashlyn says. “Sound familiar?”

“A little,” Ali says. “Mostly because I’ve been thinking about it since Jamie started holding his head up.”

“So why didn’t you mention it?”

“I didn’t know if you were ready to,” Ali says. “I know it was hard for you when I was pregnant with Jamie, that I was getting all that bonding time before you even got to meet him, and you were just getting to know him. Not to mention the chance that something could go wrong again.”

 

“First of all,” Ashlyn says. “It was hard for me seeing you in pain and discomfort. Obviously you had a connection with Jamie I could only dream of back then, but was it worth it in the end? Of course. I wouldn’t trade him or my connection with him for the world. I hope you feel the same.”

“I do,” Ali says. “All the pain was worth it.”

“Secondly, things go wrong every day. Do you know how many people lose babies early on? No, because only a handful of people even know we did. Even fewer know we did twice. People don’t talk about it because it’s not easy, but it’s so much more common than we know. And it doesn’t make it less painful or hard to do when you want it so badly, but it happens. And we’re better moms for having gone through it, I think. You’re the best mom I know.”

Ali smiles, pulling away to give her a quick kiss. “You're not bad yourself.”

“So are we doing this?” Ashlyn asks. “Having another baby?”

“Are you up for hundreds of doctor’s appointments and hormones and tears and pregnancy cravings?”

“Depends… are they your cravings or mine?”

Ali rolls her eyes. “I’ve been with you to the doctor to get shots. You couldn’t handle pregnancy.”


	12. Monster-in-Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali begins to get fed up with Ashlyn's mother always being underfoot in the final stretch of her pregnancy.

Since the day she married Ashlyn, Ali has loved her mother-in-law as if she’s her own mother. She always rolls her eyes at the stupid jokes on TV that exhaust this overbearing mother-in-law trope and thanks her lucky stars her mother-in-law is nothing like that.

But after six days of Tammye Harris being everywhere Ali turns, she’s beginning to think the joke is on her.

Her own mom made plans to come visit as soon as the new baby arrives to take some of the responsibility for Jamie off Ali and Ashlyn’s shoulders, and Ali is grateful for all the love and support their families offer, but Ali isn’t sure she’ll make it to her due date at this rate.

It was fine when Ashlyn was at camp and asked her mom if she could stay with Ali to help with Jamie and in case of emergency. It was more than fine when Tammye offered to clean the house so Ali could get some rest. It was even fine when Tammye insisted on cooking dinner, at least for a few nights.

But now Ashlyn’s back, and Tammye is still everywhere. She’s not staying at their house anymore, not officially anyway, but too many nights in a row have ended with her staying so late cleaning up after whatever masterpiece she cooked up in the kitchen that she figures it makes more sense to stay in their guest room considering she’ll be back in the morning anyway.

It’s been four nights in a row, and Ali is going out of her mind. Her mornings, which used to begin with a quiet cup of coffee with Ashlyn and Jamie and her favorite morning show playing in the background, now begin with the banging of pots and pans and the radio Tammye insists will get everyone up and moving. Her nights, which used to end with putting Jamie to bed and cuddling with her wife (sometimes more), now end with exhausting conversations till Tammye finally decides she’s ready for bed. Ali hasn’t fake yawned this much since it was hers and Ashlyn’s secret signal to go to bed back in Sweden.

“Ashlyn, I’m going to lose it,” Ali hisses into the phone as she hides out in her bedroom during Jamie’s naptime.

“Alex,” Ashlyn sighs, and Ali can tell she’s trying to be quiet. She’s at the DMV to renew her license, and she’s definitely not supposed to be using her phone, but not answering is not an option when it comes to phone calls from Ali, especially when she’s this far along in her pregnancy. “She’s just trying to help.”

“Which is great!” Ali says. “But she’s everywhere and I just want to do my own thing and not get constant advice that I didn’t ask for about how to be a good mom.” She hears her own voice getting louder as she gets more worked up, and her stomach tightens with a cramping sensation, so she reminds herself to breathe.

“Sweetheart,” Ashlyn says evenly. “You’re a great mom, and she knows that. If it’s upsetting you this much, just talk to her.”

“She’s your mom!” Ali exclaims.

“Okay, we’ll talk to her tonight then,” Ashlyn says. “Together. Listen, I’m getting looks from the security guard, and I really need to hang up, but I’ll be home in a few hours. Just hang in there, okay? I love you.”

“Love you too,” Ali grumbles, hanging up. She takes a deep breath, collecting herself before opening the door to go make herself lunch.

When she does, though, there’s a tray just outside the door with a sandwich, a small salad, and a smoothie, and Ali feels guilt creep over her immediately. She carries the tray into the kitchen, where Tammye is seated, reading a magazine.

“Hi,” Ali says, setting the tray at the place beside her. “Can I join?”

“Of course,” Tammye says, not looking up.

“Thanks for lunch,” Ali says, taking a sip of the smoothie. “You didn’t have to.”

“You didn’t seem to be feeling well, so when you went to your room to lie down I figured you could use some nutritious fuel,” Tammye says.

Ali’s heart pounds as she thinks it through. If Tammye thought she was lying down, she would have knocked and brought the food in, not waited for Ali to find it herself. But if she had brought the food and heard Ali on the other side of the door talking to Ashlyn, saying all those horrible things about her, she wouldn’t want to make it awkward.

Ali looks down at her sandwich, appetite lost, and her stomach hurts again. “Tammye—”

“I know,” she says, finally looking at Ali. “I’m driving you crazy. But don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair soon. I just wanted to make sure you were fed before I left.”

“No!” Ali exclaims. “I’m so sorry. I was hungry and tired and overwhelmed. I didn’t mean—”

“Don’t apologize,” Tammye says, putting a hand over Ali’s. “I remember being pregnant with Ashlyn and having to keep up with her absolute menace of a brother running around all the time. Jamie’s a sweet boy, but I know he can be a handful. I just wish you would have told me how you felt. I don’t want to overwhelm you or make you feel like you aren’t a good mom already. I just wanted to help out, but I hope you know that I think you are an incredible mother, and you can absolutely handle this.”

“Thank you,” Ali says, squeezing Tammye’s hand. “You really have been incredible. I’m sorry I didn’t just talk to you, and I know your heart is in the right place. But please, don’t go. At least not until Jamie wakes up, I know he’d be sad if you left without saying goodbye.”

“You bet,” Tammye says, smiling tightly.

Ali knows her feelings are probably hurt, which is what she was trying to avoid in the first place. She bites into her sandwich, a BLT with avocado, and almost moans at how good it tastes. She hadn’t realized before how hungry she really was. “Do you need more water?” Ali asks, nodding toward Tammye’s glass.

“Oh, that’s okay, I’ll get some more in a bit.”

“No, I’ve got it,” Ali says, grabbing the glass and walking toward the fridge. When she gets the fridge door open, though, she almost falls to the floor at the sudden cramping sensation in her stomach. She sets the glass on the counter and grips the countertop as hard as she can, her knuckles going white. She squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath, which makes Tammye look up.

“What’s wrong?” Tammye asks, jumping to her feet to assist.

“Nothing, nothing, it just hurts,” Ali says with a grimace, but the pain passes quickly. “That was definitely the worst one so far.”

“Worst one?” Tammye asks. “How long has it been happening?”

“For a week or so,” Ali says. “They’re just practice contractions. But they still suck.”

“Have you had any today before now?”

“A few,” Ali says. “I haven’t been timing them or anything.”

“Okay,” Tammye says, but the concern on her face is obvious.

Once Ali collects herself, she moves to the couch to finish lunch, but when she sits down, she feels it again, this time accompanied by a faint trickling sensation between her legs.

Jamie’s delivery happened much more quickly than anyone had anticipated, so Ali is familiar with a sudden and speedy labor, but she isn’t expecting it to happen a full two weeks before her due date. Nevertheless, Ali knows what she’s feeling

When Tammye brings her tray in from the kitchen, Ali looks up at her with wide eyes.

“Can you call Ashlyn?” Ali asks, as calmly as she can. “I think I’m going into labor.”


	13. Meet Bagel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jillian Kyle Krieger-Harris makes her grand entrance into the world.

Ashlyn has always been of the opinion that nothing in her life is immune from the cruelest of ironies, but this time takes the cake. She waited at the DMV for another hour after getting off the phone with Ali, which she spent racking her brain for ways to broach the topic with her mother about overstaying her welcome.

As soon as her name is called, her phone buzzes in her pocket. She rolls her eyes when she sees it’s Ali again, but she answers obediently.

“Honey, can I please call you back in like ten minutes? Tops.”

“It’s Mom,” her mom says on the other end. “Take your time, but Ali’s having contractions, and her water just broke.”

“Miss, no phones allowed!” The lady at the desk who had just called Ashlyn’s name decides this time it’s urgent enough to yell at her.

“My wife is having a baby, cut me a break!” Ashlyn exclaims. “Sorry Mom, I’m on my way. Can I talk to her?”

“Hi, I’m fine,” Ashlyn hears after the shuffle of transferring the phone. “Get everything finished up. She’s a good girl, she’ll wait.” Ali’s breath hitches on the other end.

“Another one?”

“Yeah,” Ali says, breathing out.

“Alex…”

“I know you’re going to do what you’re going to do, but I’m telling you to get your license and then come home. You aren’t going to miss anything important. Your mom is here, and my mom is on the way.”

Ashlyn doesn’t listen, and three hours later, when Ali is still having contractions, which have slowed to about ten minutes apart, Ali fights the urge to say “I told you so.”

Jamie woke up when Ashlyn got home, thrilled to see both of his mommies home in the middle of the day, but Ashlyn is too distracted by her concern for Ali’s well-being to play with him like he wants, which is where Tammye comes in.

The doctor said she doesn’t need to come in until contractions are five minutes apart, but Ashlyn remembers the flash of fear when she legitimately thought Ali would give birth to Jamie in the front seat of Ashlyn’s Jeep, so she takes the emergency bag and loads it into the car just in case, swearing to herself the second Ali squeezes her hand even the slightest bit too hard, she’ll load her into the car as well.

Ashlyn almost has a heart attack when Ali says she wants to take a shower before realizing it might be her last chance to be alone and intimate with her wife for a while. As it turns out, the beginning of labor is anything but sexy, the moans coming from Ali’s mouth are due to her increasing back pain, and Ashlyn can’t do anything except rub Ali’s lower back with a loofah and kiss her neck through the increasingly frequent contractions.

When they get out of the shower, Ali’s contractions are coming five minutes apart, so they kiss Jamie goodbye (though he’s perfectly content to stay at home with his grandma) and head to the hospital. Ashlyn texts everyone on their “Bagel updates” group text to keep them updated while Ali gets checked in and examined. By the time Ashlyn gets into the hospital room, Ali is clearly in a lot more pain, and Ashlyn can tell this one is going to be much different from Jamie’s easy birth.

~

Deb arrives after Ali’s epidural, and she’s allowed in just long enough for a quick hello and a hug before Ali’s contractions pick back up. Not long after, the doctor tells Ali to start pushing, and though it feels like years to Ashlyn and Ali, the doctor says the actual delivery only took about two hours.

But none of that matters when they finally get to hold their “Bagel,” Jillian Kyle Krieger-Harris on November 10 at 9:47 p.m.

Ashlyn can’t stop staring at her enormous brown eyes and mile-long eyelashes, in awe of the way the baby’s tiny fingers wrap so tightly around her own and her tiny rosebud lips purse when she’s nursing. She can’t get over just how beautiful Ali looks after hours of labor, which looks like the most exhausting thing a person can do, and telling her just that.

Ashlyn carries Jamie in on her hip to meet his baby sister, and the second he sees her he's silent, eyes wide as he clings to Ashlyn’s neck. She sits in the chair beside Ali’s bed, settling him on her lap.

“Jamie, this is your baby sister,” Ali says gently. “Remember how we said you're going to be a big brother?”

Jamie looks at Ashlyn, then back to Ali and the baby, speechless.

“Remember, Mama had a baby in her tummy?” Ashlyn asks, rubbing Jamie’s tummy like they did when trying to explain pregnancy to him (a lost cause, really).

“Bagel,” Jamie says, his eyes lighting up as he remembers. Ashlyn and Ali probably could have done better with nipping that one in the bud, but they had become so accustomed to referring to the baby as Bagel that it probably didn't help with the understanding part.

“That's right,” Ali laughs. “Her name is Jillian. Can you say Jillie?” She pronounces it slowly and carefully, watching Jamie concentrate on her lips.

“Jillie,” Ashlyn says again, but Jamie doesn't seem too motivated to try.

“Kiss?” Jamie asks, reaching toward Ali and Jillian and looking at Ashlyn for permission.

“A little kiss,” Ali says.

Ashlyn lifts Jamie, who gingerly touches her cheek before he kisses her on the forehead, so soft that his lips barely graze her skin.

“I love you, Bagel,” he whispers, and Ashlyn can't help but laugh as Ali’s eyes well up with tears.

“I think she’ll be Bagel forever, sweetheart,” Ashlyn says, kissing Ali on the cheek.

“As long as he loves her, he can call her anything he wants.”

~

Long after the grandparents have come and gone and Ali is taking a well-deserved rest, Ashlyn can't put down their newborn or stop staring at her for a second.

“Whatcha thinking?” A familiar voice from the doorway shakes Ashlyn from her trance, and she looks up and grins when she sees Kyle.

“Mostly how lucky I am that she gets Ali’s genes,” she says, standing up slowly as to not wake her wife. “When did you get here?”

“I came straight here from the airport,” he says. “My mom said I should go to your house and just come here in the morning, but I couldn't wait another minute to see her.”

“She's perfect,” Ashlyn says, placing the baby in his arms.

“Well duh, she has my genes and my name,” Kyle laughs. “Oh my God, she really is perfect.”

“Duh, I made her,” Ali says groggily from the bed. Almost as soon as she does, Jillian opens her eyes and begins to fuss for food.

“So in sync,” Kyle murmurs, handing her over to Ali. “You really outdid yourself this time,” he tells her, kissing her on the forehead. “You’re going to make it really hard for me to live up to this when I have kids.”


	14. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn has to apologize after losing her temper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. It felt wrong to write anything but then it felt wrong not to write anything. So this happened. I'm still numb, but I hope y'all are holding up okay. Hope this helps in some way maybe.

One thing nobody told Ashlyn when she became a mom was how protective she’d get over her babies. When Jamie was born, she spent hours standing over his crib making sure he was still breathing. When she and Ali had their first date night sans baby, she texted her mom every ten minutes to make sure everything was okay.

What they really didn't prepare her for was that the feeling never goes away, and in fact, increases with every new addition to the family.

With a rowdy almost-three-year-old boy and a brand new baby girl in the house, sleep comes at a premium these days, and adult alone time even more so. So when both babies go down for a nap at the same time, Ali and Ashlyn take advantage of the miracle to lie in their bed, making out lazily until Ali falls asleep mid-boob touch.

Ashlyn floats between sleep and consciousness, trying her best to enjoy this time with Ali’s chest pressed against hers, her face pressed into Ashlyn’s neck as she breathes evenly, looking just like an angel.

She hears Jillian fussing and wriggling around over the baby monitor, so she knows she only has a few minutes more before she's full-on wailing. Jill is a sweet, quiet, calm baby, but she's still a baby who needs to be held and fed and bathed and only has one way to communicate.

Ashlyn drifts off, waking up to the pleasant surprise that Jillie hasn't woken up fully. Then the strangeness of the situation sinks in. She woke up, fussed a bit, and instead of continuing to wake up she fell back to sleep? Ashlyn has only known the baby for about 8 weeks, but she knows that isn't like her.

She jumps out of bed, not bothering to check the video monitor, waking Ali in the process. She runs down the hallway to the nursery to find the baby completely covered by the blanket Deb knit while Ali was pregnant with Jamie.

It usually hangs on the side of her crib out of the reach of where she could accidentally pull it onto herself to suffocate her, but somehow it's ended up on top of her.

Jamie stands in the corner of the room, covering his eyes and counting, but Ashlyn doesn't notice him as she yanks the blanket off of Jillian, who blinks her eyes open sleepily, her tiny mouth opening in a yawn.

“Oh my God,” Ashlyn pants, lifting the baby to her chest and rocking her. She kisses her forehead over and over, just thankful that she's breathing. “Jamie, what are you doing in here?” she exclaims, overcome with emotion.

“Playing hide and seek with Bagel,” he says softly. “You were sleeping.”

It's a reasonable enough explanation from a toddler, but Ashlyn can't stop herself from thinking of what could have happened. “Don’t ever do that again,” she says, her voice even and slow. “Do you hear me?”

Jamie’s lip trembles as he nods. “But—”

“No buts,” Ashlyn says. “You could have hurt your sister! Don't ever touch her when Mommy and I aren't here!”

“What's going on?” Ali asks, stepping into the doorway. Jamie runs to her, tears streaming from his eyes as he starts to cry, making the baby cry too. She scoops him up and kisses his cheek. “Sweetheart?” she asks Ashlyn.

Ashlyn's eyes fill with tears as she realizes how tired they all are and how much she must have terrified Jamie. “Jamie,” she says, moving toward them, but he buries his face in Ali’s chest, refusing to look at her.

“I'll take care of him,” Ali says, only half understanding what's going on, mostly just knowing that her little boy and her wife are both upset and she doesn't know how to comfort either one of them. “Can you change her? I'll nurse her when you're done.”

Ashlyn does as she's told, and Jillie calms down as soon as she lies down on the changing table. “At least one of you still loves me,” Ashlyn mumbles, fully aware that she's being dramatic.

“Hey, my brilliant girls,” Ali says brightly when Ashlyn carries the baby downstairs and into the kitchen. “I made a snack, are you hungry?”

“She is,” Ashlyn says, noting how Jillian is making sucking sounds and handing her over. She grabs the plate of veggies and hummus and follows Ali to the loveseat where she typically feeds the baby.

“He's reading in his room,” Ali says, answering Ashlyn’s unspoken question. By reading, of course she means reciting his favorite books from memory and flipping the pages to look at the pictures. “How are you holding up?”

“I shouldn't have flipped out like that,” Ashlyn says. “I was just scared. He put the blanket on her head! She could have died.”

“Shhh,” Ali says soothingly, placing the hand that isn't holding the baby on Ashlyn’s cheek. “I asked how you're doing. My wife. Ashlyn. Not Mama.”

“I'm tired,” Ashlyn confesses, leaning her head into Ali’s palm. “I'm scared I could barely handle just Jamie, and now there are two of them.”

“Remember how scared we were when he was born?”

Ashlyn nods.

“But we survived,” Ali says. “We all survived. We've been raising a little boy for almost three years now and we haven't screwed up too badly. We survived another pregnancy that was full of ups and downs and hormones. And our little boy loves his baby sister so much. That's all I've ever wanted, and I get it with you.”

“What if we fail?” Ashlyn asks. “Me mostly.”

“You could never,” Ali says. “We’ve made mistakes, and I assure you we’ll make a hell of a lot more, but we’re in this together.” She takes Ashlyn’s hand and brings it to her lips, kissing it softly. “We don't quit, and when we need each other, we talk. Right?”

“Right,” Ashlyn sighs, kissing Ali’s lips. “Now I have to go make things right with my other partner in crime.”

Ali smiles, but before Ashlyn can get up, Jamie comes running in, calling for his mommy.

“Inside voice, bub,” Ali says evenly. “What do you need?”

“I'm hungry,” he says.

“We have some veggies here,” Ashlyn says, nodding to the plate on the coffee table.

Jamie looks at her like he didn't notice her before and looks unsure.

“Come on up here,” Ashlyn says, patting her lap. Ali shifts the baby to make room as he walks toward them skeptically. Ashlyn scoops him up and sets him on her lap, squeezing him tight.

“Mama!” he groans, wriggling around, but he settles into her arms.

“I'm sorry for raising my voice,” Ashlyn says, choosing her words carefully. “I didn't mean to scare you. Or upset you.”

“You were mad at me,” he says quietly, touching her face.

“I wasn't,” Ashlyn says. “I promise. We have to be extra careful with the baby, which is why Mommy and I have to be there when you want to hold her and play with her, but I still shouldn't have yelled.”

Jamie rests his head on her shoulder, tracing the tattoos peeking out under her sleeve. He doesn't say anything.

“Sweetheart, do you accept Mama’s apology?” Ali asks softly.

He nods, but doesn't stop what he's doing. In the end, he's just glad to be safe in her arms after thinking he was in trouble. An apology doesn't matter all that much to a two-year-old with a short-term memory.

“See?” Ali mouths, and Ashlyn just smiles, running a hand through his soft toddler hair and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.


End file.
